Going Down: HMS Strong And Stable Is Holed Below The Waterline
It is probably the fastest that a vicar's daughter has jumped shamelessly into bed with anyone. Literally before the last vote was counted, Theresa May was effectively touting her jaded wares around the Belfast docks, in a frankly embarrassing bid to keep her sinking ship afloat. There are crack-addled whores with more dignity.
But HMS May is holed below the waterline, and the sheer hypocrisy of her currying favour with the homophobic, bigoted descendant of 'loyalist' terror has only made her situation even more untenable.
Despite her ceaseless smearing of Corbyn as a terrorist sympathiser throughout the campaign, turncoat Theresa's relish at the prospect of cosying up to the DUP is at best sickening, maybe even an indication that her mental state is anything but strong and stable.
But let's have a look at Theresa's new pals. One of the newest is Emma Little-Pengelly, whose candidacy in Belfast South was supported by the Ulster Defence Association. A faction of the UDA is believed to be responsible for the murder of Colin Horner, shot in front of his 3 year old son just a few weeks ago.
Emma's dad is convicted loyalist gunrunner Noel Little, whose lethal cargo caused the deaths of hundreds. That's him below, on the right, at an Ulster Resistance rally three years before his arrest.
The chap in the red beret and glasses is former DUP leader and NI First Minister Peter Robinson, who founded Ulster Resistance. As he's retired now, Peter had plenty of time to help organise Emma's campaign. She described him as 'absolutely invaluable'. Here's Pete, in his younger days - practicing a different kind of targeted campaign...
Among the DUP's other charmers is Westminster leader Nigel Dodds, who shed a tear at the 1986 funeral of UVF leader John Bingham, along with DUP founder Ian Paisley.
That's the late and unlamented Rev. Ian Paisley, of course. Rejoining the DUP ranks in Parliament is his son, the imaginatively named Ian Paisley Jr - and he's a proper chip off the old block.
Junior, best known for having claimed a staggering £1.1 million in expenses during the 2010-15 parliament, and for being the son of Ian Paisley, has some very definite views on homosexuality. He called it 'immoral, offensive and obnoxious'. Words which might have been better used on his father's headstone.
His fellow DUP member Gregory Campbell put it slightly differently. Greg says it's 'a evil, wicked, abhorrent practice' which is 'totally and utterly depraved'
I'm not a fan of Ruth Davidson, but May's embracing these people as allies seems a pretty shabby reward for the woman who saved her Scottish bacon, and I fear she may have been struck off the invite list for Ruth's upcoming wedding to her female partner.
And a pretty shabby selling out of the 19 LGBT MPs in her own ranks.
It scarcely seems worth mentioning the DUP's miniTrump Sammy Wilson, who once blocked TV adverts aimed at reducing C02 emissions and thinks climate change is 'a myth based on dodgy science' and 'a hysterical pseudo-religion...
If May is prepared to make this unbelievably toxic alliance she will face a backlash from every other party in the Commons, including from within her own.The very fact that, knowing this, she has plunged blindly ahead and done it anyway, proves without a shadow of a doubt that she is unfit to govern and incapable of bringing her much-vaunted stablity and certainty to the UK in the coming months and years.
A minority Corbyn-led government is waiting in the wings, ready, willing and actually able to give the UK what it needs. Time for Theresa to leave the stage.