The Prole Star is concerned that premium rate chatlines or mobile gaming could be behind Jeremy Hunt's piss-poor performance as Health Secretary.
He fled a live interview earlier this week, but has clearly been very chatty elsewhere - at taxpayers' expense.
During the 2015/16 financial year, he claimed a staggering £2,288.87 in expenses for his mobile phone - one month even costing more than £500.00.
And he looks to be on course to break his own record in 2016/17, racking up bills of almost £850.00 in the first 4 months alone.
Researching online, the most expensive mobile deal we were able to find only cost £63.00 per month for unlimited minutes, unlimited texts and an enormous 30 gigabytes of data - surely sufficient for even the most garrulous government man?
We are forced to conclude that Jeremy may have been calling premium rate numbers, or making in-app purchases for mobile games. It might shed some light on why he was chastised in the Commons for fiddling with his phone during a parliamentary debate concerning the NHS.
If that isn't the case, we need to ask - who was he calling?
There are a few people we are fairly sure it wasn't....
Dagan Lonsdale - the junior doctor who confronted him in the street about the contract he decided to impose.
The junior doctors who waited for weeks outside the Department of Health begging him to come and talk with them.
His GP - Jeremy has admitted taking his children to A & E rather than waiting for an appointment with his own doctor.
The families of those who have died on trolleys in corridors in recent weeks.
The hundreds of NHS staff dealing with the current crisis he has helped to create.