"Everything That Criticises Israel Is Hamas" #1078

"We're going to need a bigger dossier"

London, 11 May 2025 - Twelve senior Conservative MPs found themselves at the centre of a media maelstrom today after signing a letter urging the government to recognise Palestine as a sovereign state. Within hours, they were accused of harbouring “deep-seated antisemitism” for daring to criticise Israeli policy 

Sir Kit Malthouse, who organised the letter, was swiftly accused of “terrorist sympathising” after footage surfaced of him politely applauding a visiting Palestinian human-rights lawyer at an academic event in Oxford back in 2018. Social-media threads claimed he “sat through 47 minutes of extremist rhetoric,” prompting breathless headlines: “Can We Trust a Man Who Claps for Extremists?”

Meanwhile, MP Jane Freeman faced fresh allegations reminiscent of Corbyn’s “train-gate” scandal when cameras caught her tapping in at Westminster tube station but forgetting to tap out. The Daily Express branded her “a ticket-dodging menace,” complete with slow-motion replays and ominous violin music.

Peers who added their names to the letter were accused of Corbyn antisemitism 2.0 after remarks they made in passing about the humanitarian situation in Gaza were re-quoted out of context.

One editorial thundered: “How can anyone who decries displacement also decry payment of a £2.90 fare?” Another columnist demanded an inquiry into whether these MPs “secretly support Hamas’ PR machine.”

Unsurprisingly, the Tories hit back. “If you can’t argue our policy, you attack our Oyster cards,” scoffed Malthouse. Jane Freeman added, “I tapped out at Paddington, just like I tap out of baseless smears.” But the damage was done: the playbook dusted off, the headlines recycled, the smears repurposed - proof, some insiders say, that in Westminster there’s no scandal too stale to reheat.

In surely unrelated news, it's understood that Israel has no problem at all with yesterday's letter from 'UK Lawyers for Israel', which claims that Israel's war and blockade of food, and the resulting famine, has actually done Palestinians a favour by helping reduce obesity in Gaza. They're having it framed and put on the wall in Mossad HQ as this week's No.1 piece of blatant Zionist hasbara.

I wish the existence of the UKLFI letter was satire - but sadly it's true...